The feedback judges individuals, not actions. Probably the number one mistake people make in giving feedback is putting it in judgmental terms. If you say to someone "You were too abrasive," or "You need to be a better team player," you send a strong message about what you think is "right" or "wrong" and that you've judged this person as falling short of expectations. Judgmental feedback puts people on the defensive. By the time the words are out of our mouth, your feedback recipient is already thinking "Who do you think you are calling me abrasive?" The energy spent defending themselves from your attack defeats any chance of a useful conversation.