IN BRUNEI, younger generation soon-to-be brides and grooms are not excluded from past values and practices due to the presence of rich customs and tradition still alive within Bruneian society.
Some young couples prefer to have a "short and simple" wedding. They wishfully think they can get away by having only the akad nikah or the official pronouncement of husband and wife by the kadi or government religious jurist. The wishful thinking only lasts until the brides and grooms side start planning together.
Traditionally, a Brunei wedding consists of nine functions.
The first function would be the berjarum-jarum. In the past, the function was used to find out whether the potential groom is acceptable to the bride and her family. These days, the low-key function would mark an official meeting of families from both the bride and groom. The event would recognise and agree to the chosen partners as their future husband and wife respectively. Further discussions would usually lead to suggestions for an engagement date. Berjarum-jarum is considered the first official step for the bride and groom towards sharing a life together.
A few months after the berjarum-jarum is the bersuroh function. The bersuroh marks the intention of the groom towards the bride, which is a marriage proposal. This event would be combined with an engagement ceremony which would bear several gifts from the groom such as rings and cash.
Traditionally, the menghantar berian and mas kahwin events come after bersuroh. The menghantar berian and mas kahwin bear more gifts for the bride. The gifts would consist of requests stated during the engagement ceremony plus other gifts bought as signs of affection.
In the past, the bride only responds in kind, if she so wishes. Modern brides today almost always respond with gifts as signs of their affection. The presentation of gifts is usually a grand ceremony where the gifts are decorated and adorned on silver trays carried by family members of the bride and groom.
The Malam Berbedak or Night of Powdering is a luxurious event where the bride and groom are adorned with traditional berbedak apparel. This event happens separately at the chosen venue of the bride and groom.
The bride's attire would have a heavy brass or gold plated headgear. The headgear is embellished with a figure of a chicken and a dragon wrapped around with scented flowers. Both bride and groom are embellished with brass or gold plated arm bands, wrist bands, ankle bands and necklace. The guests during this event bless the bride and groom by rubbing a mixture made of rice flour and scented oils onto the palms of the bride and the groom while sprinkling bunga rampai or fragant shreddings of pandan and flower petals. The event is usually attended by close family members and close friends.
In the past, the malam berinai or the henna night was a separate event. These days, to save costs, the event is combined with the Malam Berbedak.
The function that brings the man and woman as lawfully wedded husband and wife is the akad nikah. Both bride and groom are usually dressed in white. To officiate the union between both parties is the kadi or the government religious jurist. Present on behalf of the bride or groom are their respective fathers or guardians if their father is deceased.
Witnesses from both sides of the bride and groom will comprise of their uncles from both sides respectively. The bride is required to sign official papers as agreement to her new status as a wife.
On the other hand, guided by the religious jurist, the groom has to recite and pronounce their marriage openly in front of the guests, usually with a microphone. The guests will applaud joyously once he recites and pronounces their union successfully. The event is also attended by close family members and close friends.
The bersanding event to show once again the bride and groom as husband and wife to a more wider circle of people. The bersanding is a grand event with a decorated platform where the bride and groom will be seated. The newlyweds are dressed with lavish attire in front of hundreds of guests. It is the event with the biggest number of guests. With more options available and to ensure ease during the big event, the bersanding is increasingly organised in hotels and halls.
The post-wedding events include the malam ambil-ambilan held in the evening. The concept is similar to a wedding reception where family members of the bride and groom celebrate as one big family.
Another post-wedding event is balik tiga hari that marks the moving of the groom into the bride's family's house until they choose to build their own house. The balik tiga hari is a formal visit by the newlyweds to the groom's family's house.
Modern couples today have more flexible views on how they can organise their wedding. Fortunately through education, commercialisation, and simplification of processes have allowed for the number of functions practiced to be lesser or allow the combination of event.
Such decisions however depend on the parents of both bride and groom as it has been said that the "bride and groom's marriage is the family's wedding".The Brunei Times