Teasing and Laughing
In Chapter Four we discussed some of the ways Westerners can cause Thai people to lose face. We also learned that a Westerner can lose face in some situations. Foreigners are not afraid of positive criticism, but can lose face through negative criticism. Negative criticism, if it done to damage someone's reputation, has many different names, such as ridicule, mockery, and being made fun of. Making fun of a foreigners will always make them angry or sad.
You may not want to make your new friend angry or sad, but you might, because of the Thai custom of teasing. Thai people tease their friends all the time to make them laugh. For example, they might say "You are too fat", or "You are very old", when these things are not true. They call this "play talk", and it is a way for friends to have fun together. They will laugh to show friendship for the other person.
In English-speaking countries, however, teasing and laughing are not the same at all. For Westerners, teasing and laughing are forms of negative criticism: they are ways of showing disrespect for another person. Teasing a foreigner will make that person angry or sad. If you to a foreigner, "You are too fat", or "You are very old", he will think you don't want to be his friend. He will think you are saying these things because you don't like him, and want him to feel bad.
This doesn't mean that people from English-speaking countries don't like jokes and laughing. The difference is that they like everyone to be laughing together. Parents teach their children to laugh with someone, not at someone. If you laugh at someone, that means you are mocking them, and they will be angry or sad. This is because they are sensitive to teasing.
When foreigners come to Thailand and meet Thai people, their new friends will begin to show friendship in the Thai way, which is teasing and laughing. They don't understand that in Western countries, teasing will make people angry.
In this situation, different foreigners have different reactions. Some will laugh along with you, because they understand the Thai custom and know that you are teasing to be friendly. Some may say nothing, but they will start to look unhappy or angry. They might leave the room very quickly. Sometimes they will get very angry, and yell something like, "Stop teasing me!" or "Why are you laughing at me?"