As a teenager, Jolie found it difficult to emotionally connect with other people, and as a result she self-harmed,[16] later commenting, "For some reason, the ritual of having cut myself and feeling the pain, maybe feeling alive, feeling some kind of release, it was somehow therapeutic to me."[17] She also struggled with insomnia and an eating disorder,[14] and began experimenting with drugs; by age 20, she had used "just about every drug possible," particularly heroin.[18] Jolie suffered episodes of depression and twice planned to commit suicide—at age 19 and again at 22, when she attempted to hire a hitman to kill her.[10] When she was 24, she experienced a nervous breakdown and was admitted for 72 hours to UCLA Medical Center's psychiatric ward.[10] Two years later, after adopting her first child, Jolie found stability in her life, later stating, "I knew once I committed to Maddox, I would never be self-destructive again.